Without knowing more, I would suggest the following approach.
1. Use the RIM BlackBerry JDE development environment. Rebuild your application, and run it on the simulator to make sure your icon appears. Once that's working, move the COD(s) and JAD file to your webservice and try to download it. Once that works, compare the JAD file created by RIM JDE to the JAD file created by NetBeans. That may give you some clues.
2. One thing I've noticed (using the RIM JDE) is that sometimes the JAD file does not get updated when the COD files get updated, and that this can cause issues. Make sure that the JAD file is rebuilt every time you rebuild your application - I don't use NetBeans, so I cannot tell what its behavior will be.
3. Can you put all your code into one (1) COD file instead of splitting it up? If possible, try that and see what happens. Note: you'll have to use the BlackBerry Browser to download to a device, because the carrier-specific browsers cannot download more than about 65Kb at once.
Karl G. Kowalski
Owns a RAZR
Develops for BlackBerry
So next phone will be........an iPhone 3G!