I've left out lots of details. I didn't want to "rant" (this post was moved from 8200 to Rants and Raves), so I'll stop after this reply. I just wanted to document the problems I've had in case it helps companies and customers.
@NJBlackBerry, T-Mobile offered a few different replacements. One didn't have UMA calling (a must for me), one had a keyboard that was too small for my fingers (and eyes), and one required a $300/year data plan that I don't need. It sounds like they'll have more alternatives soon, though.