I read your first paragraph and decided to stop reading.
So forgive me if I repeat or mention anything that you cleared up with your remaining paragraphs.
Based off your first paragraph, sounds like to me, you FAILED to set customer expectation.
I've been selling BB's since 2005, and never ran into those BES "issues" that you have. And basically most, if not all of customer's that end up being on a BES server, their company normally pays for it, and those customer's have a STRONG understanding what being on a BES means, especially when an employer tells them to go out and get a BB because they MUST have one for work, key words there, FOR WORK.
Like someone suggested, maybe you should look for a different job, or my advice, work for a different carrier. 90% of my customer's were business users. Half of devices that I sold/activated were blackberry's, a small percentage of them ended up on a BES server. Normally companies that shell out the money for a BES server have their own IT department and their employees have a fairly good understanding of separating their personal life from their work life. Take for an example a company that gives all their employee's Sprint/Nextel direct connect phones, how many of those guys do you think are using it as personal phones?