Yes - On your device, navigate to System Settings, and make sure BlackBerry Link is turned off (to prevent wireless syncing), or remove the computers you do not want to automatically connect to from the list of "Paired Computers" For the wired connection, you should change the settings under Storage and Access.
No, unfortunately, you must swipe down from the top of the screen when you connect your device to a charger.
That is not a question, but more like a statement.
That shouldn't happen, I run Link (Never auto start on connect) on a shared account, and have not had it crash on me. BlackBerry Z10 Gets Third Party Desktop Cradle With Spare Battery Charger - BerryReview