I am on Nextel with a BB 7100i and my friend is on TMO with a BB Pearl. We tried to add each other in via the BB messenger, we both are on data plans too. But it just stays pending forever. The email notifications say accept and we do, but then it says bad pin or wrong passcode. But neither of us have entered passcodes or pins. We even turned this feature on and off but both times no difference.

Is this because we are on different carriers? Or what are we missing?

Different carriers won't matter. If you are on a corporate BES device, you could have an IT Policy restricting you from BBM. Are you?

I would delete each other contacts from your BB, and reboot the BB bu pulling the battery while powered on. THEN, in BBM, Add a contact > in the address book, scroll up to USE ONCE and click MENU to ADD BY PIN. Enter your friends's PIN there. Make sure he accepts it.

Neither of us are on BES. Where do we get PIN numbers from?

PINs from your BB... Options > Status.

It's best to make the requests using PIN and not email, too.

If that doesn't work it could be a problem with the pearls ? I can't add anyone who has a pearl on my messenger.. thru pin or email. I guess my curve just has something against them .