On your device, perform the following:
- Go to your main "Messages" icon
- Press the Menu/BlackBerry key, choose OPTIONS
- Click on EMAIL SETTINGS
- Be sure "Message Services" is set to "Desktop"
- Press BACK, saving any changes
- Go to "Email Reconciliation"
- Again, "Message Services" should be set to "Desktop"
- Set options to:
- Delete On: Prompt
- Wireless Reconcile: On
- On Conflicts: Mailbox Wins
With these options set, if you delete a message on your BlackBerry, it will prompt you if you also want to remove it from your mailbox (ie: Lotus Notes), if there are any conflicts, your Lotus Notes mailbox will be the "master" per-se.
Let me know how that works out for you... Also, if you manage the BES, or know who does, check to make sure the "Blackberry Syncronization Service" is running on the BES, and isn't crapping out on you.