First, greetings and welcome to the BBForums.
Originally Posted by zenmary
I'm sure I can see the deleted emails
No, you cannot view emails which have been deleted on the BB.
If you have your settings in Messages > Options > Email Reconciliation set to delete on Handheld only, the emails still reside on your mailserver (unless it was a @yourcarrier.blackberry.net address--no mail server access).
If you have the "delete on" set to Mailbox & Handheld, then those messages are gone.