I know I'll prolly feel dumb when I hear the answer to this, but:

Is there any way I can set up my BB service to totally delete email from my SMTP server (non BB)? I don't obsessively keep all my emails, so I'd like to hit delete on the BB and then not find the same email on my laptop when I log in later.

No way to do that right now. I wonder, though, if handheld changes that have just been announced for T-Mobile customers may change that for all of us sooner or later.