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~Ask questions~Be skeptical~Satisfy your curiosity~Request photos~Poke the bear~I'm here to help.~
Attention International Buyers:You are responsible for any duties, fees, import taxes, VAT or bribes for border guards over and above the cost of shipping.
My Policies and musings with regard to any sale I list:
1.Please pay promptly.I bet you don't like it when someone owes you money. (”I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today”) If you need an invoice before paying please ask and I'll send you one.If you need a little time emailbefore you offerand we can discuss it.I try to be flexible but some people have taken advantage and messed it up for other honest folks who just need a few extra days til payday or til they win the lottery.
1a.If you have a problem please contact me before opening a return case. You will find things get resolved faster with a gentle touch rather than a big stick.
2.All items are described to the best of my knowledge, if any item is not as I have described, please contact me before leaving a negative response . I am happy to help if I have made an honest mistake or have unknowingly misrepresented something. All opinions I give in descriptions are my own (except the ones I steal from friends or random people on the street).As I am not an expert on everything or anything, I might screw up.That being said, if something is sold "AS-IS", it is just that. I am honest and fair so please be the same to me.
3.Please leave positive response when you receive the item(s) if you are satisfied, then I will know you are happy and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to see my positive count go up. If you have a reason to not leave me positive response, pleasecontact me before doing so and let us see what's up with that. I leave response in batches once a week or so. If you don't see my response for you please be patient, I leave response for all transactions. I will make every reasonable effort to please my customers.
4.Itry very hard to ship the next business day after payment is received. However since I live in the country and it's a schlep to the USPS office and a schlep and half to UPS/FedEx I don't always make it but I do try.
5.There is no policy 5.So I'm not sure why I highlighted it.
6.Ireuse packing materials whenever possible so the packing my not be pretty but they work just fine. Recycle, Reuse, Repeat. Whoopie I saved a tree! Or at least a bubble wrap bush.
7.Buy my item and a well groomed employee of the federal government in a snappy uniform will snatch it from my grubby paws and rush it right to your front door. Unless it's shipped UPS then it's probably a guy driving a brown box and wearing bland brown outfit and shorts. I guess all the brown is so you don't have wash the truck and uniform everyday.
8.Buzzard Bait Ranch. We're pickin' the bones clean and selling them on to you.
9.Some fine print. This my only be of interest to lawyers and fans of fine print. If you really want a thrill here's somebold italic print. The bold makes is seem more important and the italics make it kinda classy. I'd do some underlining but we have to draw the line somewhere.
9a.Now that's some really fine print. I'd throw in a sexy font but don't know what fonts lawyers consider sexy.
10.Press this button if you agree with the terms.Can't see the button ordidn't work? Are you sure you clicked it right? Try clicking harder. Still didn't work? Try replacing your mouse. While your fishing around for another mouse in your junk drawer of spare computer parts, cables, manuals and 100 free hours on AOL discs we'll stipulate that you agreed and move on to the multiple choice test. It counts against your final grade and buyer response so sharpen your #2 pencil and eyes on your own paper. If you don't have a #2 break a #4 in half.
11.Ask questions as required to make an informed buying decision. Remember there are no stupid questions. Only stupid people who ask questions.
12.Of course number 11 is a joke. I would never insult my customers like that.
13.To their faces anyway.
14.Pencils down. Hand your test papers forward to the er in front of you and pay for your