Well, I gave up basically. But I have a workaround in place that seems to be doing the trick and at least functioning in the same way that i was used to.
Instead of setting up my Gmail account on my Blackberry, I set up a Forward in my Gmail to forward all emails to my Tmo Blackberry address (that is also on my blackberry). Since emails received in Gmail appear correctly, the forwarded messages also appear correctly once they are sent to my Tmo address.
Also, since it's a direct forward the instant an email comes in, anything received on my Tmo account shows as unread again. (maybe all along I was under the incorrect impression that opened emails in Gmail always appeared as UNopened on my blackberry?).
I then changed the reply address for the Tmo account to be my primary Gmail account. So for anyone receiving my emails in reply, it will appear normally to them and without the Tmo address showing.
Lastly, since I still need the Gmail account on my phone for purposes of Contact and Calendar sync, I went into my BIS account manager and checked the option for Filters, then clicked the button that says "When no filters apply: Do not forward to device". That effectively makes the Gmail account active, but no emails are forwarded to it from BIS. Weird option, but I'm glad it's there!
So now my Calendar and Contacts are sync'd with my primary Gmail account, and my email display issues are seemingly resolved by the forward-to-tmo-address workaround.
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