[CoDudette]

One of my best friends was dating this guy for about 2 years, and they were the most perfect couple. Like we knew that they would eventually get married. However, his family put tremendous pressure on him, and her family were telling her to take her time.

Finally, they ended things because he gave her an ultimatum, which was too much for her. true love (in my opinion) needs no ultimatum. She couldn't believe that after everything he did this to her.

Unfortunately.. she found out that she was pregnant, and it was too late to have an abortion. The details, are too painful for even me to get into. so she confronted her ex and he said that it was not his responsibility. This was before we all knocked some sense into him. however, he refused to even consider getting back together with her. save supporting her. she didn't even ask him to be there when she was having the c-section, she didn't ask for financial support. nothing.

finally, during her last month before she would have the c-section, she was kept home in confinement so that no one would know that she was in this situation, and there were about 3 of us, including her ex who knew. her ex, would talk to her, and he visited her twice. he said he would be there with her, and although he was still in love with her, he couldn't be with her. all of us were completely befuddled.

during her last month, while she was sitting at home carrying his baby, he started seeing someone else. No one knew, and when he introduced her to his friends, he made them swear not to tell his. He said he wanted to tell her. I didn't know as i was travelling at the time. and his friends didn't know of his ex's situation. they all thought that she was sick (which was the concocted story) and on bed rest. no one told her, although everyone begged him to. finally, the other friend who knew, went and said that he should of told her. and whatever he has done.. finding someone else, visiting his ex, and at the same time when he was visiting his ex, he would kiss her, and act like they were together was completely unacceptable. this poor girl had NO idea what was going on. this other friend begged him to break it to her. he said she was hormonal and going through a very traumatic time and he couldn't do it.

finally, the situation and the nightmare was over, and she was trying to get back on track, and they met a couple times. he still didn't tell her. he suddenly decided to stop talking to her..and she was confused. She confronted him, and he said that it was because he was trying to get over her he needed time apart. So she gave that to him.. and he STILL didn't tell her.

the other friend was still calling every couple days to remind him that what he had done and that word would eventually get out and this would blow up in his face. he said he would find the right time and tell her.

in this much time, she had gone out with some of her friends, and one of their common friends let it slip he was seeing someone, and she was in shock. when she confronted him, he denied it and said that she would be the first one to know.

Ok, then her birthday came up and he texted her while she was drunk and she went to see him. they slept together that night. and she came back and told us.. we then confronted her ex and told him wtf is he up to? we gave him that one last chance to tell her. she was still clueless.

last weekend..she was out with her friends, and on her phone, she has his name saved on speed dial 1. she called him, but disconnected it before he could pick up, as it was a mistake (I still have my doubts, but whatever.), and he called her back. his speech was beyond slurred, he sounded weird and he couldn't even talk properly. she knew something was wrong with him. so she took her car and went to his place. and mind you, this boy lives an hour away from her.

she waited till he let her up. she waited for half hour and finally went up to see him, and she saw him, completely drunk.. like so drunk he couldn't walk, couldn't talk and couldn't stand. this was at 3 am. he had begun to choke, so she took him and made him throw up. she cleaned up after him, she sat with him, and she washed his hair and made him drink water. not once, but 4-5 times, he called her by his new girl's name. and the ex, she just said, 'i am not xyz, its me abc'. she did all of this on her own. and finally at 6 am, when it became clear he needed to pass out, she left. she left him a note, saying that he called her by another girl's name. and a few other things.

in his drunken stupor he told her how much he loved her, and that it was the 2 of them, and he wanted to make them work, and he loved her to death.. she literally said, 'i don't care'.

next afternoon.. one of her other friends let it slip he was seeing someone. and finally she confronted him.. and he didn't deny it. and he didn't even say sorry that it was during her situation. i for one am so disgusted that someone could do THIS to a girl.

i know this is really long. she has already come to terms with how horrible he's been, but she's told us that she will forgive him, but never ever have the same respect for him. moreover this boy wants the two to meet. the ex says that she will do it. she hates him. she hates him for everything he's done. she never wants to get back together with him.

What she is doing.. even considering talking to him, and forgiving him.. is she being stupid? i give her props for having it in her heart to forgive him, and being able to be so calm and composed and just emerge so strong from all of this. she's been through so much. and because of HIM. and yet, she as the strength to forgive him, be happy again, and lead her life? What do you think of what this boy has done? I need to know how to guide her through this.

[akosnitzky]

Wirelessly posted (Its All About the U!)

I will speak for me. Maybe you should consider a different venue than this to post this material.

[ezrunner]

Wirelessly posted (overwhelmingly stressed)

They guy is a complete tool! I have other words I could use but they are not acceptable here on BBF!

[CoDudette]

Originally Posted by akosnitzky

Wirelessly posted (Its All About the U!)

I will speak for me. Maybe you should consider a different venue than this to post this material.

Well, i thought it was sensitive enough..very personal but still i wanna hear what people may/may not agree with?

[dc/dc]

I think any woman would be crazy to be with that guy. He sounds like a very unscrupulous individual. Your friend really needs to listen to the voice of reason (you guys) and ditch that idiot. No matter how much she thinks she loves him, he obviously doesn't care about her.

[CoDudette]

she's not with him anymore. he's with someone else. they don't speak at the moment, although he's begging to make things right, despite the MESS he's made. but he wants space to sort his head out. that's what she told me.

[dc/dc]

Originally Posted by CoDudette

she's not with him anymore. he's with someone else. they don't speak at the moment, although he's begging to make things right, despite the MESS he's made. but he wants space to sort his head out. that's what she told me.

Let him beg all he wants, but he's not worth it.

[ezrunner]

Wirelessly posted (overwhelmingly stressed)

I agree with dc/dc

Your friend needs to forget him, no matter what he says he will continue in his ways

[CoDudette]

you're telling me.. i've explained it to her. she's doing so well without him. she's happy. she's emerged so strong. do you know all of this has happened in a span of 4 months? and she's absolutely happy and fine. HIS friends hang out with her. they all know what he's done isn't right. of course they don't know what me and our other friend know.

she's a really good person, with a kind, compassionate heart, and likes to believe even though there are horrible people in the world, there is SOME good in them, even if it's like 0.0000000001%. and she won't speak to him, not right now, and he won't talk to her.. he knows he's guilty as hell, but i think he doesn't have the heart to admit it.

[dc/dc]

Originally Posted by CoDudette

you're telling me.. i've explained it to her. she's doing so well without him. she's happy. she's emerged so strong. do you know all of this has happened in a span of 4 months? and she's absolutely happy and fine. HIS friends hang out with her. they all know what he's done isn't right. of course they don't know what me and our other friend know.

she's a really good person, with a kind, compassionate heart, and likes to believe even though there are horrible people in the world, there is SOME good in them, even if it's like 0.0000000001%. and she won't speak to him, not right now, and he won't talk to her.. he knows he's guilty as hell, but i think he doesn't have the heart to admit it.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that even if he admits that he was wrong, the odds are that he won't change his ways.

I've had a similar experience as your friend, so I can speak on it.

[CoDudette]

of course he won't. he's done it before.. two girls at the same time or playing one with the other.. however, there was NO pregnant girl this time around.

Should she tell his new girlfriend? or is that just stooping too low?

[kathrynhr]

Originally Posted by CoDudette

she's a really good person, with a kind, compassionate heart, and likes to believe even though there are horrible people in the world, there is SOME good in them, even if it's like 0.0000000001%. and she won't speak to him, not right now, and he won't talk to her.. he knows he's guilty as hell, but i think he doesn't have the heart to admit it.

I advise your friend to step back a moment and decide what she's really looking for.

"Some good" is nowhere near good enough for marriage. If marriage is where she eventually wants to end up, she needs to cut this man loose permanently. There is no other choice. The way she has been treated is the sort of bad treatment that causes long-term damage, and creates a mess that the next man who loves her -- hopefully a good and caring man who will treat her with honor -- is going to have to try to clean up. For his sake, as well as the sake of her own mental health, she needs to let this guy go.

[dc/dc]

Originally Posted by kathrynhr

I advise your friend to step back a moment and decide what she's really looking for.

"Some good" is nowhere near good enough for marriage. If marriage is where she eventually wants to end up, she needs to cut this man loose permanently. There is no other choice. The way she has been treated is the sort of bad treatment that causes long-term damage, and creates a mess that the next man who loves her -- hopefully a good and caring man who will treat her with honor -- is going to have to try to clean up. For his sake, as well as the sake of her own mental health, she needs to let this guy go.

I second this.

[Giselle9938]

Originally Posted by CoDudette

What she is doing.. even considering talking to him, and forgiving him.. is she being stupid? i give her props for having it in her heart to forgive him, and being able to be so calm and composed and just emerge so strong from all of this. she's been through so much. and because of HIM. and yet, she as the strength to forgive him, be happy again, and lead her life? What do you think of what this boy has done? I need to know how to guide her through this.

I have to tell you that while I was reading this story I had tears on my eyes because If this happened in 4 months... Can you imagine how was to deal with a man like that for 4 years? I did...

IMO she is not being stupid, she is in love and there is a little, tiny line between love and the emotional necessity and emotional dependency. When you cross that line, no matter what that man do wrong, no matter how much he hurt her feelings, she will forgive him and take him back and that is an emotion really hard to break. (Voice of experience)

Ixxx8217;m glad to hear that she is doing good taking time for herself and her friends. But my best advice to you as her friend is to not leave her alone. She needs to spend time with people that love her and make her happy. That will help her to realize what this guy had done to her was not even close to the meaning of love. When she realizes she is a strong woman that can take care of her and her baby by herself and ANY women should allow ANY men to do what this guy had done to her, only then she will be able to really forget him and take him out of her heart. She can forgive him but she can forget what he had done.

and I'm not Nostradamus...LOL but I'm a 100% sure he will continue calling her, sending her stupid drunk emails and SMS once in a while, telling her he miss her and he don't know why but he is thinking about her. (again voice of experience lol) She need to be strong enough to understand he doesn't really mean any of that words... In that process she will need good friends like you CoDudette.

[SteveO86]

Yea... Pretty with everyone here... She should just forget the guy, he doesn't seem have any remorse or care, the guy has a kid out there and doesn't seem to be showing an ounce of care (which is pretty F'in low in my opinion).

She should honestly just move on... You sound like a real good friend and that is something she will need.

I am going to stop before I get too into this too much...
(Personal reasons..)

[daphne]

Originally Posted by akosnitzky

Wirelessly posted (Its All About the U!)

I will speak for me. Maybe you should consider a different venue than this to post this material.

I have to agree with this.

Having said that, I think this guy will never be trustworthy unless he grows up, if he every grows up.

[CoDudette]

you guys are amazing.

this is what we've been trying to tell her. that she needs to move on with her life, and she needs to forget him completely.

Giselle, you've probably said what we all are afraid to admit. that even though she may say that she's over him, she will always harbour feelings for him, because by the end of the day, she had his baby. she gave birth to his child, she's had so much trauma as a result of what he's done to her.

We are going to always support her, and be there for her, and hopefully, knock some sense into her. I just hope she doesn't falter. so far, we're trying to keep her on track, and she is trying to focus her energies elsewhere. I just hope we can make her happier than what she is right now.

[Giselle9938]

Originally Posted by CoDudette

you guys are amazing.

this is what we've been trying to tell her. that she needs to move on with her life, and she needs to forget him completely.

Giselle, you've probably said what we all are afraid to admit. that even though she may say that she's over him, she will always harbour feelings for him, because by the end of the day, she had his baby. she gave birth to his child, she's had so much trauma as a result of what he's done to her.

We are going to always support her, and be there for her, and hopefully, knock some sense into her. I just hope she doesn't falter. so far, we're trying to keep her on track, and she is trying to focus her energies elsewhere. I just hope we can make her happier than what she is right now.

Yes, Is more easier said than done... but time and good friends like you will help her to move on. I know she will be ok

[CoDudette]

there is so much not right at the moment, we're trying to get her to just calm down... she's pretty distraught for some reason today :(

[Jadey]

Originally Posted by CoDudette

this is what we've been trying to tell her. that she needs to move on with her life, and she needs to forget him completely.

Giselle, you've probably said what we all are afraid to admit. that even though she may say that she's over him, she will always harbour feelings for him, because by the end of the day, she had his baby. she gave birth to his child, she's had so much trauma as a result of what he's done to her.

I'm going to have to bring this up, as nobody has mentioned it.

Did your friend keep his baby?

If so, she does need to "get over" him and accept he will NEVER be a good partner. But, it is very dificult to tell someone to sever all ties with someone who is a co-parent. Obviously this is made easier if he won't see the child, but I am still of the opinion that children need father figures, preferably their biological Dad where possible.

If this is the case, your friend needs to work on getting over him romantically, but finding a way to build a friendship so that the child can know both of his/her parents.