Liamt, you should give this another chance. It appears your thread was originated in a different forum and wasn't moved here till today. While installation can be frustrating at times, it's really just finding out the specifics and once configured, it's smooth sailing.
You'll have to give us a bit more details and I think we can get you on the right track if you're willing.
I would have suggested you install SQL Express through the installer... even if you were installing on an SBS. It's only a bit more overhead and the installer would have handled it for you.
When you got to the login screen, did you login using the account that you configured during the install. Either the BESADMIN account that you were logged in as or did you configure a BAS only authentication account?
Just to address one of your frustrations about administration overhead and web servers... You do understand that this (FREE) product can host thousands of devices. It's not like it's freeware crapware. So because it's so scalable, thats how BB decided to do it.
Did you get a chance to look through the great training vids here?
BlackBerry - BlackBerry Enterprise Server Express
You can virtually walk through an install just by following along with the vid on your server.
Good luck, let us know if we can help. Trust me, if you think your gonna get good enough experience out of an ipod (as you stated earlier) then I think you'll be missing out. But thats just my opinion.